Kids, School, Sleep, and Behavior

Kids, School, Sleep, and Behavior :
Why you should care and what you can do to improve things

Bruce M. Gale, PhD
BehaviorTech Solutions
Encino, California
March 2005

Between 1/12/2003 and 12/29/2004 we have had two surveys on our web site, one for kids and one for parents. The "kids" survey asked two basic questions with some branching follow-up questions for each category:

1
How much do
you like school?

2
How much sleep do
you get per night?

Below are the results from this survey. We removed responses that came appeared to come from the same respondent on the same day. We included a total of 87 responses to question #1 and 65 responses to question #2. No attempts were made to validate the sincerity of the responses. Still, the results are interesting. 72% reported that they liked school or that it was "all right."

How much do you like school?

A clear trend is evident showing a strong relationship between how much a child likes school and their level of tiredness. However, interpreting this isn't so straightforward. It is clear that children who reported being "not tired" during the first hour of school are twice as likely to rate school positively versus saying "I wish I didn't have to go." The exact opposite is true for students who say they are "very tired." Only 20% reported liking school versus 44% reporting they wish they didn't have to go. These patterns are consistent with published data on this topic, so not much new there.

Would more sleep result in a change in attitude? It's not likely to be that simple. Other factors, such as difficulty learning, emotions, and social relationships begin to enter into the picture. But, a clear relationship exists, based on these findings, between amount of sleep and school attitude. Further analysis of this data indicates that nearly twice as many (65%) kids who get less than 8 hours per night of sleep are likely to report feeling "very tired" versus those who receive 8 to 9 hours per night (35%). Get what? They know this! A whopping 70% of kids completing the survey admitted they knew that getting less than 8 hours per night of sleep affected their ability to concentrate at school. Of those kids who received than than 8 hours of sleep, only the ones who reported liking school were more likely to admit that lack of sleep affected their ability to concentrate or knowing that children needed more sleep than adults.

So, what can be concluded from this data sample?

If your child is complaining he or she doesn't like school and receives less than 8 hours of sleep

Check in with their teachers the first couple of hours to see if they are acting in an alert manner
Find out if your child will acknowledge they need more sleep or that children need more sleep than adults

So, suppose you do all that and find out your child doesn't really care. Look to see if this reflects a more generalized pattern. Does your children frequently refuse to do what he or she is asked? Do they speak disparaging of other things in their lives? Depending upon the age of the child, this can be part of a developmental process. A 14 year old is more likely to be contrary than a 9 year old. But, if every night is a struggle, you have to wake up your child, and their academic progress appears to be suffering, you may be faced with a problem you need to address.

What can you do? Actually, quite a bit....

Consider that it may take several conversations to form a plan of action, then a few weeks to implement it. That isn't so bad for a problem, especially one that is long-standing.
Assuming your child has had a recent checkup or visit to the doctor and you had made him or her aware of this problem, proceed the following. Otherwise, call your doctor and see if they wish to examine your child for any possible medical problem.

Start by having a talk with your child. Make certain it's a time when you are feeling calm and rested;
Express your concerns in basic and respectful terms. Shorter, calm messages work better than long lectures. Let your child feel they have a choice about discussing this. If they say it isn't a "good time," consider simply saying "fine," but then asking when "is a good time?" Stick with getting them to commit when you will discuss it. For some families this will go smoothly, others will fine this part as challenging as anything else.

Ask you child if they think they getting enough sleep. Let them know you checked with their teacher and describe their behavior in class. Ask you child how they plan to address this. Let them know that it is important to you. Give them time to vent, complain, without interrupting them. Remember, your goal is to improve their sleep, not make them behave perfectly.
Try to obtain their agreement that more sleep is needed. If you get that far, call it a day and pat yourself on the back.
Revisit the issue a couple of days later (write it on your calendar!). You can start off with, "remember when we discussed sleep their other day." Actually wait for them to respond. If they don't, without scolding, criticizing, or doing anything else negative, simply re-explain the situation as if the conversation never took place. Most likely they do remember, they're just not letting you know that. If you remain calm and respectful, you increase the chance they will be more willing to discuss this.
Let them know you're interested in creating plan. Consider writing it down together. Most plans work best if the changes are gradual and children feel as though they have some choice in the matter. Choices however, can be limited. Suppose your child stays up playing computer until 11pm then rolls into bed, sometimes brushing her teeth, or times not. Don't pick on everything at once. Start with the behavior that you feel is EASIEST to change. This is almost more important than choosing the most important behavior, within reason. If you have been contacted by the School Review Attendance Board, you want to work on bedtime and increasing sleep first no matter what. But, otherwise, pick the bedtime related behavior that you think will change most easily and quickly. This will give them a sense of accomplishment, you have something to praise, and the momentum for building behavior will make subsequent behavior changes more likely.
Make your plan sensible and review it daily for just a few seconds. However, require your child to pay attention for those few seconds. Keeping your intervention contact short, pleasant, and direct can be a valuable, helpful behavior management approach.
If your child makes any effort (not just words, but actions) to work on the plan, be POSITIVE. People sometimes worry that they are being too effusive in their praise. While that's possible, you can't reward new behaviors too often, just with too big a reward.
Fortunately, you have the single most effective reward available at all times. It's your words, touch, and eye contact. Be clear and specific (avoid saying GOOD JOB, please!). Tell your child exactly what they did that you appreciated. Don't get complicated and start tying it to foods, Disneyland, and all kinds of other things. Genuine praise works fine almost every time!
What if this doesn't work? Think about what you have learned as a result of working on this. Praise your child for his effort.
Consider making an appointment for your child to visit his medical doctor. Give the doctor advance warning about the reason for your visit. Ask your child how they feel about their progress. Again, respectful and brevity when discussing these topics can go a long way.
It may turn out that professional help is needed. Your child could have elements of depression, oppositional behavior, anxiety around bedtime, or other problems that may require professional help. The following referral sources may be helpful:
- http://www.adaa.org
- http://www.aabt.org
- Check with your local hospital's department of behavioral medicine, pediatrics, neurology, or psychiatry for recommendations. Make certain that any therapist you consult can description her or his experience working with child and sleep problems. Ask about intervention, success rates, typical length of treatment.

Postscript: As luck would have it, two hours after I wrote this piece, I happened to be at an event where a portion of it involves listening to four 6th grade students discuss the outcome of a workshop they had participated in. Two of the topics surrounded "responsibility" and "compliance." One group was of the opinion that it was more "noble" and responsible to do things when "they felt like it." Their reasoning: "Then it comes from your heart." The students discussing this stated that they sometimes didn't feel like doing something just because they were asked, but would easily do the very same thing if they thought of it.

The other group felt that doing something when you were asked was more "noble" and responsible because, by following someone else's request, e.g., a parent, you were following rules and showing respect. They felt this was the best way of showing responsibility.

My take: As parents, you probably want to instill some of each of these qualities. You're not trying to raise a robot, so absolute immediate compliance (while tempting!) probably won't help raise independent, resources children. On the other hand, having your child refuse to follow your requests doesn't work either.

Your task as a parent: Is your child compliant, noncompliant, sometimes compliant? Knowing this about his or her temperament will make life go easier for both of you. Some children react more quickly in a negative manner to being told what to do. If you react in kind, well just think of the last time that happened. Other children do what you want most of the time so this isn't an issue. Neither is necessarily right or wrong; they represent different developing personality styles. You are not going to make their core personality change, so you may as well learn how to get what you want while not making things unpleasant.

If you have a more challenging child, there are two books that may be of interest. One, by Ross Greene, is the Explosive Child, which can be found at his web site. There are a few by Russell Barkeley which discuss defiant children and teens, plus the role of ADD or ADHD.

About the author: Bruce M. Gale, PhD, a clinical psychologist located in Southern California, specializes in treating social and emotional problems in individuals with autistic spectrum, ADHD, learning and developmental delays, oppositional defiance, plus spectrum anxiety disorders in both the special needs and general population. His specialized area of interest is in using technology to create more valid assessments and effective treatment outcomes. More about Dr. Gale